How Do We Help Young Christians In A Relationship?

Christians have always been a little odd to the world. God’s people are often identified by what they abstain from and their peculiar perspective on what life is about. One particular area that could use more peculiarity is that arena of “dating,” or as some might suggest, “courting.” Neither word really does this wonderful experience justice. So, I will try not to use either of them.

That time frame when a young(older) Christian man meets and becomes interested in a young(older) woman in the church is a wonderful time. How else is it supposed to happen? However, oftentimes, there is a bit of a confusion as to what should be the next step(s). As a father, I have a few suggestions. As a pastor, I have a few suggestions. As a somewhat older man in the church, I have a few suggestions. Here they are:

1. Enjoy! There are few things as strong as the enjoyment of something. Shouldn’t you enjoy being around that other person you are hoping to establish your life with? Shouldn’t you find yourself willing to extend yourself for her/him unlike you would for others in your life? Of course, you should. Enjoy each other’s company, conversation. Share in experiences. Find out who they are.
2. Refrain! You are not your own. Paul wrote:“Flee immorality. Every other sin that a man commits is outside the body, but the immoral man sins against his own body. Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and that you are not your own? For you have been bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body.” (1 Corinthians 6:18–20). This command is not because of Paul’s contemporary disdain for pleasure. It is because it is true. If the man and woman profess Jesus Christ, then follow Him in this relationship. On the basis of the holy nature of God, until you are joined in marriage, in the interest of being above reproach within the church and among the godly men and women in your life, you are not your own, nor are you each other’s. Your redemption by the love and sacrifice of Jesus Christ is far more valuable than the feelings you have about the other person. And, further, if that other person loves Christ, and really loves you, they will seek your sanctification and holiness leading to your eternal reward more than they will desire to defraud and use you. I wish I didn’t have to say this, however, I have learned that it is necessary.
3. Submit! Find godly, mature, men and women you can go to for questions. Hopefully, this is the parents of each individual. They are in a unique position to see your life come to a point that they have wondered about, planned for, hoped for, prayed about, and now they need the privilege of being part of that season of your precious life. Don’t deprive your godly parents of this privilege of being part of that process. However, if you don’t have godly parents who will steer you towards Christ and away from selfish behavior, find another in your local church who can be that to you. Surely there is a godly man or woman who would jump at the chance to help you.
4. Serve! Serve the church in your relationship. The command to love one another (John 13:34) does not stop all because you are in a relationship. Your relationship, in all honesty, is not about you. It is another component in the body of Christ meant to strengthen the other disciples. You will do more together in that way than you can individually. Serve the saints. Love the brethren. Obey the Lord. Find ways that you can publicly demonstrate the love of Christ towards the saints together and raise the standard of expectation for couples in a budding relationship. There are few things as ugly as a young couple off in a corner cuddling up to each other, whispering and giggling, while the church body is fighting its’ war, running its’ race, and plowing its’ field. You say, “But what about our time together?!” Well, see point 2-you are not your own. The call to follow Jesus Christ is a call to carry a cross, even during this wonderful phase of your life as the two of you get to know each other. Let everything be done for the edification of believers. Use your relationship to contribute to the body of Christ. Be an example to others. Be above reproach. Start your relationship being built on the principles and commands that the Lord expects from His people. A selfish relationship will only change into a sacrificial relationship through deep hardship. Why go through that? Start now by sacrificing yourself together for the good of the body. Jesus did.

I can promise on the basis of Scripture, from which these guidelines are taken, if you obey these you will have no regrets and you will do more for your marriage than you can even imagine.