The Devastation of the Patriarchal Movement-pt.4

“He must be one who manages his own household well, keeping his children under control with all dignity (but if a man does not know how to manage his own household, how will he take care of the church of God?),”

1 Timothy 3:4-5

Paul’s clear teaching here is this: the demonstration of a man’s leadership of the church is demonstrated in his home. Here are some key words:

1. Manage
2. Well
3. Control
4. How
5. Church

I want to look at each one carefully. In so doing, we can understand what Paul is saying and how to obey it.

First, the word “manage” is a word that has a wide range of meanings. As usual, only the context can really help determine which meaning to use. In this context, Paul is referring to the leadership that a man exhibits in the care of his household. But, in the further examination there is a participle following it which modified the main verb “manage.” The aspect of his management is that of how he relates to his children. The dignified manner of leading children must lead to the church being in subjection to the man.

I know what that sounds like. It sounds like Patriarchy. But, it can’t be that because notice the descriptions of the manner in which the man manages his household: “well.” Those two words indicate that the elder is to have his children come to a place of submission, not by domination, but by a method that exemplifies dignity and nobility. This is not speaking to the waywardness of a child, but the capability of the leader in his leading. His leading should result in the subordinate children. But leading the children to submission is to be done with “dignity.” He is not harsh, manipulative, ignorant of the Word of God, nor is he there to be served by his children. He is there to lead the children towards obedience to Christ and His Law. The work of an elder is to know how to do that.

Third, “control” does not mean that the children are not allowed to speak, think, enjoy life. It means that they are not identified with an out-of-control behavior. These are children who are known for their respect for their parents and their love of Christ. His leadership must be one that can lead to having the children in his home leading a life of self-control as a result of the teaching of Christ’s Word and dignified behavior. Anger, hate-filled lashing out, malice, and obviously, abuse of any kind, disqualifies this man from leadership.

Fourth, “how” is a word that means that there is a method that comes with all of this. He needs to know this. If he does not, he needs to find out. Leading his home by instincts might be all that he has, but it is not enough. That is not to say that he needs to be beat up by others because he is not omniscient about leading a family because the writer of Hebrews wrote:

“Furthermore, we had earthly fathers to discipline us, and we respected them; shall we not much rather be subject to the Father of spirits, and live? For they disciplined us for a short time as seemed best to them, but He disciplines us for our good, so that we may share His holiness.”

Hebrews 12:9-10

What it means is that this man worked hard to lead his family according to the Word of Christ, even with failures and learning curves. Yet, with all of that, there is a method that is to be followed and that is the method of training in the Law of Christ.

Fifth, “church” indicates that the method that a man learns and exemplifies with dignity is to be implemented in the church as well. Working with the hearts and minds of God’s people is no different from working with the minds and hearts of a man’s own household. The Law of Christ rules over both. Leading in submission to Christ and working hard to be a pattern to follow is what the church needs. If a man cannot do this, and refuses to learn from mistakes and do it right, he cannot lead the church.

Patriarchy comes along and demands, from a skewed perspective of the Mosaic Law, absolute allegiance, not to Christ, but to themselves in place of Christ. Thus the man becomes the idol that the family is expected to worship. If they don’t, he will then accuse them maliciously of disobeying Christ, rebellion, and even not being believers. This is vile and is condemned by God. It crushes the heart of the child, and leads to a rejection of Christ.