“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless. So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church, because we are members of His body.” (Ephesians 5:25–30)
Ephesians 5:25-30
In contrast to the Patriarch, the godly man loves his wife. Even if he does not always love her perfectly, at least he does not enjoy seeing her harmed. The above passage is a section of Scripture that explains why, innate within a true Christian man, a husband desires to love his wife and do good to her. He knows that Jesus would do that. In fact, Jesus DID do that to His bride, the church.
The contradiction of a Patriarch is that he loves himself. The law of Christ is to love the disciples of Christ and extend love to the world. There is never a place for a man to love himself. In fact, self-love is contradictory to the love of God. This is because love is meant to extend to someone else, never back to yourself. Even in the godhead, the Father loves the Son (John 3:35; 5:20; 10:17; 15:9-10; 17:24). The Son loves the Father (John 14:31). And, although I cannot find a direct passage as I did above, we can safely assume that the Holy Spirit loves the Father and the Son since God is love (1 John 4:8).
Therefore, honestly, a man who loves himself is in sin for this very reason. Paul writes so that men can obey this passage and defy self-love and express love toward the most intimate disciple, his wife. She must be the target of his affection, interest, friendship, and allegiance.
The illustration of Christ loving the church is summed up in John 13:1.
“Now before the Feast of the Passover, Jesus knowing that His hour had come that He would depart out of this world to the Father, having loved His own who were in the world, He loved them to the end.”
John 13;1
Jesus knew that His time was about to come. It would be the time for Him to leave His beloved disciples, and the others around Him, and return to the Father. His return would be through the most horrendous circumstances, but He would indeed return to His beloved Father. He looked forward to that.
But notice how He loved His disciples: He loved them “to the end.” Up until the time when He breathed His last, Jesus is seen loving His disciples. Even after they scatter, He loved them. The most exquisite and tender picture we have of that is the way that Jesus ensured that His mother, Mary, would have her needs met via the disciple John.
“Therefore the soldiers did these things. But standing by the cross of Jesus were His mother, and His mother’s sister, Mary the wife of Clopas, and Mary Magdalene. When Jesus then saw His mother, and the disciple whom He loved standing nearby, He said to His mother, “Woman, behold, your son!” Then He said to the disciple, “Behold, your mother!” From that hour the disciple took her into his own household.” (
John 19:25-27
Jesus’ love for Mary was only appropriate for, as we noted in the previous post, to disregard a widow is to be worse than an unbeliever (1 Timothy 5:8). But Jesus loved His disciples up until the end. In reality, He knew all was finished when He knew that love for all His disciples was fully expressed. Once Mary was cared for, and her future secured, He would go to be with the Father. This is love. This is love.
For a man to love his wife, it means that he must be most concerned with her holiness. Her sanctification is his greatest concern. Although she will need food, clothes, healthcare, etc…, above all of these is his deep concern for her sanctification. Paul’s reasoning is clear. She will have to stand before Jesus Chris some day and the husband will have to give an answer for her to some extent. Although she certainly has a responsibly to pursue Jesus Christ of her own love for Him (Luke 10:38-42), the husband also has a clear expectation from God for His responsibility for her spiritually as well.
The Patriarchal Movement does not know this. Although the movement espouses a commitment to wives and children, in reality, since it has convoluted the gospel to a form of pseudo-Israelitism, the Patriarch sees his only requirement as civil and social. In his mind, and his theology, the extent of his responsibility comes down to provision, so-called leadership, and legal matters of duty. He does not see the need for sanctification from sins as much more than this. Rather, he sees getting all of these other things “right” externally as the extent of sanctification. My, how wrong he is.
Paul wrote:
“Let no one keep defrauding you of your prize by delighting in self-abasement and the worship of the angels, taking his stand on visions he has seen, inflated without cause by his fleshly mind, and not holding fast to the head, from whom the entire body, being supplied and held together by the joints and ligaments, grows with a growth which is from God. If you have died with Christ to the elementary principles of the world, why, as if you were living in the world, do you submit yourself to decrees, such as, “Do not handle, do not taste, do not touch!” (which all refer to things destined to perish with use)—in accordance with the commandments and teachings of men? These are matters which have, to be sure, the appearance of wisdom in self-made religion and self-abasement and severe treatment of the body, but are of no value against fleshly indulgence.“
Colossians 2:18-23
Abstinence from the externals of life does not sanctify. Even though bad company corrupts good morals, the close proximity of a person to handling, tasting, and touching things does not defile. Defilement comes from the heart.
“After He called the crowd to Him again, He began saying to them, “Listen to Me, all of you, and understand: there is nothing outside the man which can defile him if it goes into him; but the things which proceed out of the man are what defile the man.”
Mark 7:14-15
And
“When he had left the crowd and entered the house, His disciples questioned Him about the parable. And He said to them, “Are you so lacking in understanding also? Do you not understand that whatever goes into the man from outside cannot defile him, because it does not go into his heart, but into his stomach, and is eliminated?” (Thus He declared all foods clean.) And He was saying, “That which proceeds out of the man, that is what defiles the man. “For from within, out of the heart of men, proceed the evil thoughts, fornications, thefts, murders, adulteries, deeds of coveting and wickedness, as well as deceit, sensuality, envy, slander, pride and foolishness. “All these evil things proceed from within and defile the man.””
Mark 7:17-23
The Patriarch does not understand that the source of his wife’s defilement is her heart, and the source of his own defilement is his heart. However, he does not understand this because he does not know the language of the New Covenant, which is the language of the heart.
“You are our letter, written in our hearts, known and read by all men; being manifested that you are a letter of Christ, cared for by us, written not with ink but with the Spirit of the living God, not on tablets of stone but on tablets of human hearts.”
2 Corinthians 3:2-3
He does not understand how to edify the heart of his wife. Therefore, when she simply does not know what he expects from her because she is wanting relationship and not ritual, he thinks that she is defying him, questioning him, or trying “usurp” his authority. He does not realize that she is only crying out to him for help. A man can live in the hard world of productivity, demand, and external pressures. A woman cannot. He does not know this, does not want to know this, and devastates her everyday because of it. He is hard and does not understand why she does not simply “buck-up” and get with it. In short, he expects her to be like him in this fashion. In the end, he disobeys this simple command to love his wife and sanctify her heart and body till his dying hour.
Sketches of Scripture 